I’m dating someone more emotional than the average menstruating female.

Oops I did this like five times. It’s a trap really. Seemingly romantic Romeo’s come in a package with sensitive psycho’s. This is the pattern: At first he seems super romantic and charming. In my experience, he wants to be exclusive really fast. The boy will tell you he’s “never felt this way before” after a couple of weeks. He’ll tell you things he’s claimed he’s never told anyone else within a few dates. Maybe he’ll even cry. (That’s always fun and not at all awkward. Oh wait.) But that’s the thing. These “men” have the ability to make a girl feel special and “needed” because of their emotional state. It’s fine to be needed—in fact it feels rather nice. However, needy boys are like black holes. Pretty interesting on the outside, but will suck you in and destroy you within a short period of time.

I’ve had so many experiences with this, it’s hard to pick just one. I’ll just go with a few boys that gave me clear warning signs from the start that I ignored out of pity or boredom.

First off: Michael. Oh GOSH. A book could be written about this kid. I met him at the peek of my skewed decision making capabilities—right after high school. When I first met this guy we “made eyes” at some social function. The kid literally moved his glasses with his fingers to the bottom of his nose, looked me up and down and motioned me over to him with his pointer finger. Okay, warning number one. He was attractive though. Dark hair. Dressed like an Abercrombie model. Thin, but looked rather fit. I was attracted to him from the get-go. Dang. We had a short get to know you conversation and that was that.

Later I got reacquainted with him. Not well… at all. However I made it a conscientious goal to kiss him before I was to take off for college. Why? Couldn’t really tell you. Something about kissing someone I knew I would have no relationship or very possibly friendship made me laugh. So I did. It was fun.

Well, I didn’t get exactly what I was looking for. He ended up being an actually very interesting guy. He would say the sweetest things and we could talk very easily. However, the kid ended up blowing up my phone.  He wanted to commit after a few phone conversations and a brief but painful visit to me from him at the university I was attending. Two states away. I spent the weekend in my room throwing a stress ball against the wall pretending to do homework as a way to not spend time with him.  I’m afraid he did catch on somewhat.

My poor decision making skills didn’t end there. Each time I would visit home I would make a habit of kissing the guy. This would be followed by some numerous texts and phone calls often stating he misses me as well as something about me playing with his mind. He actually said the words, “You don’t respect me.” Well, DUH. There was zero part of me that respected him. I’m not sure if he was waiting for a defense or a, “Of course I respect you, Michael.” If he was, oops. I would then go to school and ignore nearly every text and dodge every phone call from him. After multiple repeats of this, it was time to let him be. Never again could I handle a whiney conversation with that boy.

Too bad he was followed by multiple other “men” that scarred my perception of the male world. Karl was likely the most fun. And by fun I mean repeatedly hitting my head against a grand piano. There are a number of things, not even looking back—I realized it while we were dating, that were absolutely not okay. He was an alpha male. Always had to take the lead. As girls, we subconsciously find this attractive, but it is key to pay attention to whether they are a natural born leader, or simply controlling. Oh and he shaved his legs. And arms. And chest. And I’m dying.

He too wanted commitment out of me at an uncomfortable speed. He too was attractive. He too said things that made me feel good about myself. He too cried when I ended things after two weeks. When a boy cries, instead of listening to my impulse to run away as fast as I can, I feel for him and have stupid thoughts like, “Oh, he must really care about me if he’s feeling this way.” Nope. In fact, if he’s crying as quickly as this, the odds are he’s only thinking of himself. Also, he’s a pansy.

Here we are... Decided to blurr the face out of courtesy.

The thing is, they don’t know you. People make up the term “connection” or “chemistry” when stating they fall for someone really hard, really fast. This in all actuality is code for attraction or lust. Therefore, they don’t know what your worst nightmare was growing up as a kid, but rather the way your booty moves when you walk.  Boys that cling on and spill their hearts within no time are in fact needy and the WORST.  Don’t confuse compassion and emotionality. They’re about as interchangeable as cell phones and high heels. One connects you to people and one is eventually extremely painful.  

There is an unfortunate correlation between emotional boys and everything bad. More often than not, they will also be controlling. And them being controlling will be in effect to them being super insecure.

Take Karl. One evening we had planned on going to get ice cream. We had made these “major plans” about two hours prior to the date. Minutes before (Yes, my mistake it was minutes before), I was told it was my roommate’s birthday and that the apartment was going to see a cheap movie with her. Being a normal human, I think, “Oh, Karl would be fine if I met up with him later, or if I just invited him to the movie instead of getting ice cream.” I cannot imagine being more wrong. He was not fine with it. Not only would he not come to the movie, (which was cheaper than stupid dairy) but he said he didn’t want to see me later because he was so upset. He said we could either go to get ice cream or not hang out at all.

Now, what I would like to say happened, was I told him to “Suck it,” and went to the movie with my roommates, had a sweet night, and got ice cream with some hotter, more manly guy. But… what actually happened was I went to the movie. Stayed for ten minutes. Was so upset, mad and anxious, I left the theater and went home to do homework.

My biggest mistake was allowing his controlling, emotional personality to manipulate me in wasting a potential really good evening. This could have all been avoided if I had listened to my natural instincts and paid attention to the classic warning signs. Romantic, sweet, sensitive, and rash commitment seeking. Peuuuke. Not only will these boys exhaust you, but they will also make you feel guilty for exhaling. Steer clear. Learn from me.