I can’t imagine being less tactful

I wish I could forget the number of times I have said something I desperately wanted to take back right away. I am a number of things, but I am in way even slightly tactful.  Sometimes I am actually amazed at my lack of poise in situations. I could tell story upon story of my incapability to keep my mouth shut. I’ll tell of one time in particular. It was a situation I could absolutely not recover from.

I have a dear friend named Holly. She’s a great person. She would do anything for anyone and cares more about others than she has ever cared about herself. Holly also scares me… a little bit. Her emotions run on and off as quickly as a light switch. Saying the wrong thing could lead to a very intense chastising I’m never in the mood for and very often I am left mystified, confused and bewildered. At this point in time I had felt I had done rather well with Holly, and I hadn’t offended her in months. I was starting to feel more at ease with her and felt less as if I was walking on eggshells around her.

One Saturday I met up with Holly and her twin sister Alyssa at the mall to do a bit of shopping. I met them at Delia’s and arrived as Holly was in the changing room. I chatted with Alyssa as we waited for Holly to model her clothes. As she came out of the changing room, we did what girls always do and gave our opinions on the outfit. Thumbs up, thumbs down, yes, no’s.

Her shirt was a cute floral, not worth any more than ten dollars. Her pants however had that “destroyed” look about them. Except they weren’t so much destroyed as they were completely demolished. Holes were everywhere. She looked like she had encountered a small natural disaster on her way to the mall. Being one to never smother my honesty, openly acknowledged the hideousness of the pants.

“No. No. Absolutely not. Do not get the pants. Those look absolutely awful.” I did not beat around the bush. But that’s when I saw her face change… And I glanced at Alyssa to see her eyes widen. I realized at that moment what I had done.

“Those are the pants she wore here…” Alyssa said. Oh no.

Holly stormed back to the stall and slammed the door.

This was one of those situations that if I was watching, I could come up with a million ways to recover. In the moment however, my mind was blank. I’m starting to understand Chandler on FRIENDS when he tells the eight year old boy that he’s adopted before his parents had told him. I remember the first time I watched it, I was screaming at the TV. “SAY YOU WERE JOKING. SAY YOU WERE LYING.” He didn’t though. He couldn’t recover. And I never understood why… until this moment.

I would like to think I have learned to pay more attention to my surroundings. I have a ways to go however… I actually think this is something I was born with.