I'm dating someone I hate

This actually happens way more than it should. For me, it was Kevin. First of all, his name was Kevin. The same name of that huge colorful bird off “Up”, and my friends and I couldn’t let it go. As a result, every time we saw him, or basically whenever he said anything, we would scream, “Kevin’s a girl!” (If you haven’t seen the film, this likely makes no sense to you. See it. It’s a great flick.) I met Kev on a blind date. During that spring semester a memo went around BYU-Idaho stating, “Sarah can’t find a date on her own, so please PLEASE set her up.” Or at least, I’m pretty sure that’s what happened because I nearly went into double digits with the number of blind dates I went on that semester. Some were fine, a couple sucked. This one was… interesting. I thought Kev was cute. Another blonde, but fairly attractive. His immediate red flags included a consistent flat-billed hat he insisted on wearing with thick-brimmed glasses. A drastic combo I to this day, do not understand.

The date started rather bizarre. I had a very strange overwhelming desire to make fun of this kid. And I did. He dished it right back, which I almost enjoyed. I would say something about his flat-billed hat, and he would comment on my height. (How original). We cooked dinner and sat around playing guitar. I could tell right away he was a one-trick pony and could only play one song, and it was mediocre. I ignored this because… well. I was desperate. And I had no other boys on the horizon. As he left he asked for my number and we hugged. I checked my Facebook minutes later and saw a friend request from one “Kevin” paired with an eager courtesy text. Wow.

One of the biggest mistakes overlooked in this situation was he was in my ward. I had to see him the next day.  And the next Sunday. And the Sunday after that. I went to church and there he was. He came up to me after the first block and I was strangely confused why we were talking. I muttered something about a bathroom and left in seconds. Something about this kid didn’t settle with me. And I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. But I found out fairly quickly what that stemmed from. Multiple reasons.

Kevin’s scent did not agree with me. It was a mix of must, and strange body odor I can’t seem describe. Inhaling his indescribable musk caused my body to have some sort of reaction I can only express as a gag-reflex.  I made a habit of limiting my breath intake whenever I was around him. Reasonable compromise. He smells bad, I don’t inhale.

I’ve always thought emoticons were gay. I always have. But my intense disliking toward them was officially established after I received texts from Kevin. So many smiley faces. There is NO WAY anyone could ever be that happy. “Hey! :) What’s up? :):) I’m gay. :)” Wish there was exaggeration involved. Occasionally he would throw a winky face in there for good measure.

He wasn’t a nice kid. Every time I spoke I could see his mind thinking about what he could say next and how he could turn the conversation into something about himself. He was fairly rude and lacked manners. Not once did he open the door for me, pay for me, ask anything about myself or see how I was doing. I doubt he could tell you what I was studying in school, my opinions on anything, or what state I was from. I knew however that he was studying paramedics, had a life long dream of becoming a firefighter, loved the Lakers and was from LA. At least someone liked listening to him talk. Himself.

He did a number of things that would raise anyone’s eyebrows. During our continuing habitual hangouts, even if I hadn’t spoken to him all day, I would come home and find this boy laying (yes, laying) on my couch. Sometimes asleep, sometimes watching TV. I would come in, glance at him and go straight to my bedroom. I would then call or text a friend in utter confusion as to why this grown person found it a social norm to take a cat nap on my couch without asking, or saying anything first. Confused. I was SO confused. I’m not even making this up.

There’s more.

One day I was hanging out with two of my best friends at the park and invited him to come play with us. When he came, he was holding a rather large soft drink I assumed was for him, or possibly me. As he approached us, he stretched out his hand and extended the drink towards my friend Emma. We all looked at each other in confusion as he then explained he heard she had been broken up with and wanted to cheer her up. Now, this might sound sweet or considerate or whatever, but it wasn’t. It was strange. He had spoken to my friend a couple times and each time she was very clear that his personality bothered her. It didn’t make sense.

Despite his scent, consistent inviting himself over and hitting on my friend, I continued to spend time with him. I think it was a game to see how long he would stick around when I made so much fun of him. He was a trooper, I’ll give him that. I’m still confused why he stayed around as long as he did. Not as confused as I am why I did though.

I actually kissed him. I look back and think, “How did that happen?” Still can’t really explain it, but in a nutshell this is what took place: We were sitting on a couch watching “Alice in Wonderland” and were accompanied my best friend Christina.  We were snuggling and she was a couple feet over on the same couch. While Johnny Depp was speaking to the caterpillar, Christina started to dose off. That was when Kev thought it would be a great idea to start nuzzling my neck. I started to giggle because, uh, what else can you really do.  And then he wouldn’t stop. All I was thinking was how I could get him to quit it.  Being desperate to have his lips anywhere but on my neck, I kissed him. It was one of those kisses where I couldn’t wait to take a shower after. I wanted to pressure wash my mouth with Scope. It was creepy and weird. I’m no expert on kissing, but I knew it felt wrong. So I shut that down real quick and stared back at the TV. Being frazzled and regretting that desperate act excessively, I looked at my phone to check the time. It was 11:30. Curfew was 12:00, and spending another half hour with this kid sounded like a horrible idea. I then suggested I take him home right away. 

I dropped him off at his apartment and he kind of lingered in my vehicle. I looked at him straight in the eye and quickly said, “Night, Kev.” He leaned in and I turned my head. I guess I could have been nicer. Oops.

Sadly it didn’t end there. I would see him periodically. Mostly on my couch stinking up my living room and blowing up my TV bill. We wouldn’t talk a ton but when I did get desperate and my two best friends were hanging out with their boyfriends, I swallowed some pride (which I mostly had zero of after the “Alice” incident) and hung out with Kev. Looking back, spending the night with Hulu and a box of Oreos would have been a much better use of my time.  

It’s not like I sit here thinking I’m great and he is lame. In fact, I would be shocked if he enjoyed his time with me too. There is just no way that one of us could have been enjoying ourselves while the other hated everything as much as I did. I just consider myself lucky.  I wasted plenty of time I could have spent collecting stamps or eating Taco Bell, but I got experience out of it. I would never let myself get that desperate again. Bottom line: Don’t date someone you can’t stand to be around. If everything he says you disagree with, or smelling him makes you want to vomit, stop. Just stop. But if you are as dumb as me, laugh at it later.